


The Fall of the Nine!

by Shadow_Crystal_Mage



Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow, Worm - Fandom, この素晴らしい世界に祝福を! | KonoSuba: God's Blessing on this Wonderful World! - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, alternate S9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25972267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Crystal_Mage/pseuds/Shadow_Crystal_Mage
Summary: When the call came that the leader of the Nine wanted to surrender, Armsmaster got to the lobby so fast he pushed his armor tolerances. The most infamous parahuman criminal didn't look like much. In fact, he looked like he needed sleep. Still, Armsmaster was familiar with his infamous introduction. "Hai, hai, Kazuma desu."
Relationships: Megumin/Explosions
Comments: 9
Kudos: 65





	The Fall of the Nine!

When the call came that the leader of the Nine wanted to surrender, Armsmaster got to the lobby so fast he pushed his armor tolerances.

The most infamous parahuman criminal in the world short of Jack Slash of the Murderhobo Brigade didn't look like much. In fact, he looked like he needed sleep. Still, Armsmaster was familiar with his infamous introduction.

"Hai, hai, Kazuma desu."

Kazuma The Scum. Leader of the Infamous Nine.

"We're here to surrender," he said, somehow managing to look both dignified and threatening while covered in so much containment foam only half his face was visible. "Please let me surrender. I'm begging you, I want to surrender!"

Armsmaster, of course, tazed him. Everyone knew not to let The Scum talk to you, lest he affect you with his Master power that allowed him to control the deadliest group of criminals the world had ever seen. A lot of Thinkers initially claimed he didn't have one, but that was a common false reading that was quickly disproved by empirical evidence. The man was a powerful grab-bag cape with Stranger, Blaster, Shaker and Mover abilities that he had long used to evade capture.

Armsmaster yearned to fulfill the killorder that had long been signed for this man's death a thousand times over, but… well, he'd been too late. The man had managed to make his surrender known before Armsmaster could arrive, meaning it was in the system. The hell they'd get over the conflict of a killorder and a surrender… yeah, Armsmaster wasn't going to be doing THAT paperwork. He could always do it later under orders or when the man inevitably tried to escape.

He always did.

* * *

The Infamous Nine. The most reviled and destructive group of parahuman criminals in the world. Heroes and villains routinely dropped their hatred and stood together, united by a common overriding terror whenever it was so much as hinted that the group was in town. In some quarters, breaking the Endbringer Truce was small potatoes compared to crying wolf about the Nine, especially after they had caused the near-total extinction of all sea life.

It had been done by Agua, the world's most powerful healer and a Striker of unparalleled ability. She had rendered ALL the oceans of the world into fresh water, completely destroying the planet's largest eco-system and putting its oxygen production at risk. In addition to the mass deaths of whole species of sea life unable to adapt to living in the suddenly freshwater oceans, the sudden removal of all the salt had caused massive knock-on effects that were still reverberating through the world. Her healing abilities had singlehandedly kept the Nine a threat for decades, as unlike most she could heal at range, and even outright bring her allies back from the dead. Worst still, it was suspected she possessed Master abilities, as a fanatical cult had sprung up around her, worshipping her as a goddess who saved the world by ridding the oceans of pollution, fueling her massive narcissism and god complex. The cult was so aggressive and fanatical even Scientologists and the FALLEN condemned them as irrational loonies.

For all this, however, she was eclipsed in the destruction she had caused by Bakuretsumin, a minor Brute who was acknowledged as the most power Blaster/Shaker in the world, and whose trigger event had so warped her very biology she _had_ to unleash a massive explosion, its strength surpassing even most nuclear warheads, once a day or she would die. While this made tracking the Nine easy since they would leave a mark of their presence once in every 24 hour period, it made going against them until that mark appeared guaranteed suicide. Once, the Nine had tried to join in Endbringer fights, but it was swiftly apparent that Bakuretsumin had no compunctions about what she destroyed, and her dreaded Explosion could be scaled up to destroy whole cities more effectively than even the Endbringers, blasting apart the island of Kyushu and killing the parahuman posthumously named Gojiro who had heroically stood against Leviathan.

The rest of them were no picnic either, being city-killers themselves, if less spectacularly. Their lead Brute, a woman calling herself Darkness, was an invincible juggernaut able to trade blows with Alexandria and feel it about as much. Combined with a Master power that could make every human on the battlefield unable to focus on any target except for her, and an insatiable masochistic streak that actually relished all the force being directed at her, the Nine had an unbreakable defense behind which they could hide while they did their dirty deeds.

Vanir was a precognitive Thinker that liked to play mindgames, driving his targets into despair and using his Blaster power, his so-called 'Vanir-Style Deathray' on anyone who took offense, which was everyone. Combined with his Master power to create exploding miniatures of himself, not to mention his own powerful Brute package, and he was practically untouchable. The internet had titled him the King Troll of the world.

Wiz was a Blaster/Thinker who had an unerring knack to drive institutions into bankruptcy in terroristic acts of economic sabotage. Her powers allowed her to join any business at any level, whether a brokerage, a plumbing contractor, or a fast food franchise, and run the _entire business_ into the ground. How a lowly cashier managed to bankrupt and destroy a multi-billion dollar multinational business always became failure point studies later on, but it did no good for the now-penniless stockholders who have just lost everything. Her death was one of the few things The Elite and the Protectorate agreed on, a prospect made hard by the fact she was a powerful Blaster on par with Legend, with an altered biology that meant she simply _would not die_ because she was technically already medically dead.

Their Stranger, known only as Yunyun because that was the only the name the Nine used that did not belong to any of the known members, was completely undetectable by any sense or power, almost as if they didn't exist. Even the Nine themselves seemed to forget their existence, and the only reason the Protectorate even knew they were female was the occasional mention that she had huge breasts. Many times the Protectorate had been right at the cusp of defeating the Nine, only for this Yunyun to suddenly reveal herself, using a wide variety of Shaker and Blaster powers to allow the other members to escape.

Their newest members were Cherish and Bonesaw, who were already forming their own reputations. Bonesaw had turned an entire convention center in pastel-colored human-equine hybrids and Cherish… well, nothing, but she was a known child of Heartbreaker so she was CLEARLY up to something nefarious!

However, all of them paled before their leader, Kazuma the Scum, whose seemingly weak powers had allowed him to elude and humiliate the Protectorate time and time again. Armsmaster could remember the first time he'd fought the man, who used a Thinker power to continuously evade him, and then somehow managed to steal Armsmaster's cybernetic-interface underlayer right off his back, essentially trapping him in his armor and making his suffer from intense chafing! No man has caused more humiliation to the Protectorate as a whole, and that was counting the time Myrddin had 'accidentally' burned down New Jersey.

But now, the devil himself had come to them… and he was asking to _surrender?!_

It had to be some sort of plot, some scheme! Even the Simurgh couldn't come up with more twisted plots than Kazuma the Scum. They had to find out what it was, before it was too late!

And there was only one woman in the whole world who could safely interview him.

* * *

The door opened into the cell, and Alexandria stepped in. Inside, Kazuma had been laid flat on his back and covered in containment foam. Only his face was visible, and a confoam turret, controlled remotely and set to flood the room if contact was lost, was positioned to correct that at the slightest excuse.

"I confess! I did it! It was all me! Lock me up and throw away the key!"

Alexandria didn't pause as the seeming non-sequitur, merely sedately entered the room and loomed over the confined parahuman. Eventually, she said, "What, exactly, are you confessing to?"

"Everything you're accusing me of and want to pin on me," Kazuma said quickly. "I confess. Lock me up in the Birdcage and forget about me forever now. I'm guilty of it all!"

"Really…" Alexandria said. "The Nelson fires? The Claes murder? The Raime serial killer?"

"Stop talking so slow and yes, yes, I'm guilty, I did it all, lock me up already!"

"Scum," Alexandria said coldly, "Do you really think–"

"I said stop talking slow! Some chick named Bakuda who moved to this city challenged Bakuretsumin to a duel over who has the best explosions and they start at noon! You need to–"

Alexandria made a gesture and the turret covered him in foam. "Perhaps we can continue this discussion when you're more pliable," she said, and turned towards the door.

It opened, revealing a panicked PRT officer. "Ma'am, Bakuretsumin and Bakuda have been spotted down town in front of the Medhall bui–"

* * *

**The End**


End file.
